Crash and Burn
by lexiaarcadia
Summary: Inspired by the savage garden song of the same title, Hawkeye comforts BJ when it all gets to much for him. NONE SLASHY!


_CRASH AND BURN._

It was a weary group that came out of OR that night. There had been there for yet another 72 hour slog, patients becoming blurred in the minds and cramping hands of the doctors. BJ was suffering the most though, he had the misfortune to have been on post op for his four hour shift before they arrived, and that seemed like an eternity ago now. It was usually BJ leading Hawkeye back to the Swamp but this time it was the other way around, BJ could barely stand let alone get his exhausted body co-ordinated enough for the short walk back to his bed. 

"Whoa there, let's get you introduced to a bed" Hawkeye said.

"Uh huh" BJ mumbled as he stumbled into a wall. Hawkeye stopped him just in time. He took hold of BJs shoulders and turned him towards the door.

"This way buddy" Hawkeye directed him. It was in this fashion Hawkeye got his friend and fellow swamp mate back to the swamp and more importantly his bunk. 

If the truth was to be known, BJ would not have been allowed to have done that length of a shift. The fact of the matter was he had not been sleeping to good. He had lain awake, unable to clear his head, to stop his heart from racing, terrible thoughts colliding through his mind. It was getting to the point he realised that it was a problem and he needed to find the cause of it. BJs then admitted to himself he already knew that to and he was unable to do anything about it. The solution was in Mill Valley and not in the hell known as Korea. 

Hawkeye held out the now customary Martini, extra dry. An essential for them to forget the fact they had just sowed together young kids, to block out all the pain and blood. The fact they where operating on teenagers who should have been at home on dates, whose mistakes didn't cause them to end up on an operating table. BJ took hold of the drink and gulped it down. One, two, three and the glass was empty, forcing himself to swallow it back even as he felt the burning sensation in the back of his throat. He sighed as he picked up the framed picture he kept at his bedside. He lovingly traced around the faces of his two girls, one his wife, the other his daughter, still only a baby when he was forced to leave them. That was the root of his insomnia right there. He missed them so much it hurt physically in his chest. He longed to just hold his wife again, to listen to her laugh, to dance with her, to take in her scent. He longed to see his little girl grow up into the lovely little child peg described in her letters. Hawkeye watched BJ from his own bunk.

"Hey Beej, You Okay?" He asked, concern filtering into his voice.

BJ didn't respond, couldn't respond. He had heard Hawkeye's question but didn't know how to answer it. Hawkeye crossed the small gap between the two bunks and sat down next to BJ, instinct telling him something was wrong. 

"Come on, what is it? What's bothering you?" Hawkeye asked. BJs turned to face him, unable to even form the words to vocalise what was going on in his head. Tears began to form in his eyes as he sadly shook his head. Hawkeye looked down at the photograph and instantly understood. Wordlessly he put an arm around BJS shoulders. BJ couldn't take it anymore as he let the tears fall. He literally collapsed into Hawkeye, ad cried on his shoulder, sobbing silently as he realised what had been building up since he arrived, words and much needed sleep still failing to come. The photograph fell to the floor, the glass cracking into a thousand tiny little pieces but somehow still managing to remain together.

"Easy now, its going to be okay." Hawkeye whispered comfortingly as he held his friend. BJ just cried it all out, all the frustration, anger, loneliness and more to the point homesickness and heartache. Eventually his sobs subsided.

"I miss them so much" He mumbled. It was a start, somewhere tangible to work from. "I just feel so numb, so incomplete without them." Hawkeye sensed where BJ was heading; he had gone through this with Trapper before, knowing that both his friends needed to get it off there chests, out of their systems. "I'm so tired but cant sleep. When I do I have this nightmare about them. They are brought in, just lying on a table in OR and…" He was crying again, he took a moment to compose himself. "There's nothing I can do to save them. I keep telling myself its just a nightmare but it feels so real. Its just awful!"

"They are not here though Beej. There at home, safe." Hawkeye said trying to reassure BJ.

"How do I know that though? I should be at home looking after them, not here patching kids up." BJs was angry now, shaking.

"Ii know. Its not fair." Hawkeye said, hesitantly rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. Sleep was beginning to come to BJ at last, much needed and long overdue. He looked up at Hawkeye.

"I wish I was home with them." He whispered.

"I now you do. If I had my way, none of us would be here." He could see BJ succumbing to the sandman's dust now. Hawkeye laid him down, removed his boots and tucked him into bed.

"Night Hawkeye." BJ muttered as he drifted off.

"Sweet dreams Beej." Hawkeye responded. He picked up the photograph off the floor and looked at it thoughtfully.

When BJ awoke late the next morning Hawkeye was already up. He was reading a letter from his dad. 

"Afternoon sleepyhead." Hawkeye said as he looked up from his letter. "Pleasant dreams?"

"AH. Not so bad." BJ replied. Then slightly more hesitantly." Hawk, about last night, thank you."

"Ah don't mention it." Hawkeye waved it of with a flap of his hand. "Want to see if there's anything edible in the mess tent?" 

BJ picked up the photograph and sighed. He noticed its newer nicer homemade frame. He smiled at Hawkeye. "Sure, why not?" he pulled on his boots and the two of them together went to face whatever the day brought them.

The end.


End file.
